Great video from yet another impostor Darth Vader!
I just discovered this, thanks to my friend Jodie.
Are you inundated with stupid questions from people on an ongoing basis? Tired of it? Go to to Let Me Google That For You and type your question in. Then send the link to your unsuspecting friend.
Here’s one for you to test…
what is the capity city of Canada
(note the typo, even)
We love William Shatner. We don’t just love him in the celebrity sense, we mean it in a deeper, more spiritual sense.
Every employee must swear an oath to The Captain under our Shatner shrine.
Has Been? I don’t think so!
Join us as our hero abandons the standard “formula movie” path…
- Shows up for work
- Learns about evil guy
- Gets the gadgets together
- Goes after evil guy
- Meets the babe while looking for evil guy
- Babe gets caught and looks like all hope is lost of getting the evil guy
- Sharp wit, gadgets and good luck turn the tables on the evil guy
- Evil guy is gotten
- Kisses (etc.) the babe
For the more realistic movie…
- Shows up for work
- Learns about evil guy that just took over his department
- Gets his resume together
- Gets fired by evil guy
- Tries to meet the babe while trying to forget about the evil guy
- Babe can handle her own situations just fine, thank you very much, leaving our out of touch hero unable to make any impression on her whatsoever
- Finally goes job-hunting
- Evil guy is history, now there is a new evil boss to brown-nose to
Planning a vacation to Las Vegas? If you are coming on or after August, 2005, then Shalom, you can stay at Tel Aviva Las Vegas, the first Jewish theme hotel on the Las Vegas Strip!
Oh, don’t worry! We will have all the glamour and excitement you expect from Las Vegas in our new 5-star destination resort, but all with the comforts of home, and in the finest Jewish tradition.
- Getting married? Let our hasidic Elvis Rabbi help you tie the knot.
- Play the theme slots. Three dreidel’s and you win the progressive jackpot!
- Join our Matzah Players Club where members collect Matzah Points with each game played.
- Need a break from all those games? Enjoy one of our kosher fine dining restaurants, or our complete kosher buffet.
- Kids? Bring them along to enjoy the fun in Moses’ Funhouse.
Kids! Are your parents coming to Las Vegas? Don’t fret … there is lots of fun waiting for you at Moses’ Funhouse, a uniquely Jewish theme park right on the Las Vegas Strip.
Just look at these great rides:
- Jonah’s ‘Big Fish’ Experience
This full-motion ride brings you through the belly of a big fish, then back safely to shore again. - The Walls of Jericho
Ride alongside the ancient walled city of Jericho, but when the trumpet sounds, watch out! The walls all come tumbling down! See the inside of the city and the animatronic battles between the soldiers of Jericho and the Israelite heroes. - The Creation Ride
God created the Heavens and Earth in 7 days, but this ride lets you relive the whole experience in 7 minutes! You start with nothing but the thundering voice of God, and suddenly a great brightness, then you see the earth being formed, then animals, and finally Adam and Eve greet you personally before you exit the ride! - Exodus
This ride takes you to Ancient Egypt where you watch as the Jewish slaves build the greatest monuments man has ever known. You are transported inside the temple where the Pharoah is busy plotting his ill-deeds. You are whisked down a tunnel into the desert where you find Moses alone in the desert, suddenly you witness the re-enactment of the burning bush and you are whisked back to Egypt and watch as God’s wrath comes down upon the land. Then you are taken to the Red Sea where the waters are parted and Moses leads his people (and your cart) through to the promised land. - Moses’ Wacky Water Adventures
This water ride wades through the rivers of the middle east. A basket carries you along the Nile, and the waters separate when you arrive at the Red Sea Crossing. From here, you get a unique Vegas touch … a full view of the Las Vegas strip! Then it’s back to the Mediterranean Sea for more wacky adventures!
I bet you can’t wait for your Las Vegas vacation now!
Canada’s Offensive National Anthem ::
O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
Our National Anthem is very offensive to everyone. It must be changed!
We have identified 13 separate offenses in the National Anthem, as follows:
- “our home and native land” – Some people are not originally from here, therefore not native. Also some people, such as servicemen and Canadian foreign diplomats do not have their home here either. They should be very offended.
- “thy sons” – We know all about the ire these words raise with our “daughters”!
- “glowing hearts” – This is offensive to the many Canadians with non-glowing organs.
- “we see thee rise” – This is obviously an attack on those who live closer to sea level. The phrase was originally included because of demand from the leaders of Upper Canada. Their distaste was directed to those in Lower Canada. Quebec, therefore, should feel especially alienated by this phrase.
- “the true north” – This offends scientists and navigators who rely more heavily on “magnetic” north.
- “strong” – Now, talk about a jibe directed toward the most helpless of society. This is a malicious attack on the sick, children, and other Canadians who otherwise don’t get off the couch enough to become “strong”.
- “free” – This phrase is very offensive to Canadian prisoners.
- “and wide” – Persons of substantial girth should unite against the use of this word.
- “God keep our land” – This is offensive to atheists, spiritualists and those who follow religions which are not monotheistic. I am certain they are not ready to give the land to “God”, and certainly not to “keep”!
- “glorious” – People from less glorious cities and regions might prefer “economically competitive” or “industrialized”.
- “and free” – There it is again!
- “we stand” – Many Canadians are physically unable to stand. They should not be made to feel less Canadian because of this.
- “on guard for thee” – Those not working in the military or other security-oriented positions (such as mall cops) are made to feel second class citizens because they are not actively fulfilling their duty of protecting Canada. Just to add insult to injury, we sing this line twice.
Our Proposed Alternative ::
Given that the national anthem is so offensive to so many, we should formulate a National Anthem without lyrics, perhaps replacing words with whistling or hand actions. Before this is done, hand-free Canadians who cannot whistle should be thoroughly consulted about their sensitivities (perhaps an alternative “eye-blinking” or “breathing” sequence could be introduced in place of hand actions).
Alternately, we could translate the National Anthem into a language that nobody speaks (perhaps Latin or Esperanto). Is it possible to offend someone when they don’t understand what they are saying? To satisfy the Latin Scholars and those of the Bahai faith, an alternative might be developing a distinctly Canadian language. Some of the adjectives introduced by the Teletubbies children’s television show could be just what we need to inspire the nation. What could Tinky-winky ever do to offend?
Finally, a more cost-effective solution would be to sing the words “O Canada” over and over again to the same music. It might be a bit choppy though:
O Canada!
O Ca-na-na-na-da
O Ca-nada O Ca-na-na-na-da
O Canada O Canada
O Ca-na-na-na-da
O Canada
O Canada, O Ca-na-na-na-da
O Ca-nada, O Ca-nada
O Canada, O Ca-na-na-na-da
O Canada, O Ca-na-na-na-da
 Save the Arctic Penguin The red penguin symbolizes the penguin carnage that has resulted from years of neglect by governments and corporations all along the Arctic Circle. |
Please help save the Arctic Penguin!
This rare and majestic cousin to the flourishing Antarctic Penguin is now on the verge of extinction. In fact, many scientists today think that penguins are absent from the Arctic Circle altogether! But we refuse to give up hope. Our mission is to find as many Arctic Penguins as possible, and begin a comprehensive breeding program that might help bring this species back from the brink of disaster. Why has the plight of the rare Arctic Penguin been ignored for so long? The truth is that corrupt corporations and their government cohorts have been perpetrating a misinformation campaign for many years. They would have the people of Canada, and other countries within the Arctic Circle believe that the Arctic Penguin does not exist and never has! This, of course, is nonsense. Penguins did exist, and we believe they still do. The problem is they are on the verge of extinction! With your help, we can bring back this mighty and majestic reptile from the brink of collapse! |
| Although a common misconception, penguin’s live in the Antarctic, not the Arctic. Antarctic penguins are birds, not reptiles. |
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