The following is supposedly an actual question given on a university chemistry exam. The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state: that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you”, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct … leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”!!!

Hilarious Church signs.

The Lord came to Noah in Canada in 2001…

Same story: Earth was wicked, Noah was to rebuild the ark and save two of every living thing, along with a few good humans. “Here’s the blueprint,” said the Lord. “Hurry – in six months I start the unending rain.”

Six months later, the rain came down. The Lord saw Noah weeping in his yard – and no ark. “Noah,” he roared, “where is my ark?”

“Forgive me, God,” begged Noah. “Things have changed. I needed a building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspectors about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbors claimed I violated the neighborhood zoning by building the ark in my yard. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Getting wood was a problem. There’s a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists I needed the wood to save the owls. No go.

I gathered the animals, but got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted I take more than two of each kind. Environment Canada decided I could not build the ark without filing an environmental impact statement on Your proposed flood.

I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission over how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.

The Canada Customs and Revenue Agency has seized my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take about five years to finish this ark.”

The skies cleared, the sun began to shine and a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder.

“You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?” he asked.

“No,” said the Lord. “The government already has.”

On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter shows up, they asked him. St. Peter says, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,” and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited for an answer … for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all.

“What if it doesn’t work?” they wondered, “Are we stuck together FOREVER?”

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informs the couple, “you CAN get married in Heaven.”

“Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

“What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple.

“OH, COME ON!!” St. Peter shouts, “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?