A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workers.

After several minutes, the older worker had enough.

“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said.

“I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won’t be able to haul back.”

“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see you do it.”

The old man reached out a grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, ”All right dumb ass, get in!”

1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. You can’t trust a dog to watch your food.
5. Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a Tic-Tac.
6. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
7. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
8. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

Great Truths About Life That Adults Have Learned:

1. Families are like fudge … mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
2. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
3. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jello to a tree.
4. If you can remain calm, you don’t have all the facts.
5. Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s acorn that held its ground.
6. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
7. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
8. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will live forever.

The Four Stages of Life:

1. You believe in Santa Claus.
2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3. You become Santa Claus.
4. You start to look like Santa Claus.